expressing myself...

When do you blog ?

Well, I usually blog when I feel lonely, empty in heart, and sad.
In order to chase out this feeling of loneliness, I blog.

Very well said by someone, every human being in this world wants to express himself or herself. It can be achieved either by talking to your closed ones or if you dont have them then by writing. At this moment pen and paper or your computer screen become your closed companions. You write whatever comes in your mind, whatever your heart says.

Now since the blog has come, we make some unknown friends of ours and at the time of solitude, we write believing that they would definitely understand what we feel at that moment.

This thought has actually two dimensions.

Blogging in some or other form make us complete, listens silently to our plight or feeling bout this world but at the same time it inveterate us. It makes us falling for its own self.

As the technology is progressing, it is making us more lonely. Now we just need a computer to chat with our dear ones. We see them virtually and dont feel them but this is all we have with us.

People dont go out for a walk as they are busy making frnz in social networking sites. Nowadays, we are not able to bind our old friends but trying to find newer ones.

With the advancement of technology, we are getting more clumsy, lazy and gauche.
Children dont want to go our to play as they have all types of games on their own PC.

At this time, i accept that it is this computer only that is helping me to forget my plight but at the same time I know that it is making me slave of its own and I dont have any other choice but to accept what comes my way .

Today, I am feeling very lonely, don't know why.
Something is empty in my heart. I sometimes think how quickly our heart respond to our emotions. When we feel alone & sad, our heart pumps blood at slow rate so that we feel something is missing, our blood pressure reduces and thus a feeling of loneliness comes.
When we feel happy, energetic, our heart pumps the blood much fast giving us illusion of energy, rejuvenation, zeal.
Heart understand us. Only he knows what we feel. nobody else do.
Actually, I met her yesterday for less than half an hour but the effect is still there.
I didn't even touched her, but i can still feel the fragrance of her.
I didn't see her for long time, but the image of hers is clear in my mind.
I waited for almost 7 hours to meet her, to have just one glance of her. She was looking pretty, cute as always.I wanted to touch her hand but...somehow managed to stay apart.
Why it happens that when you love someone, you want to feel her, to touch her, to smell her. I wanted to kiss her and take her in my arms but...but...but.
We are no more together. Our relationship has no name, its just ashes left and we don't expect any phoenix to take rebirth from it.
Oh god...this loneliness is killing me, each time, each moment.
I love you Pallavi...
come back, plz come back, i will change....

Confused I am,
Sometimes I find loving you,
Sometimes I hate you,
Sometimes you looks sweet,
Sometimes you make me bleed,
I can't live without you, is all i know...

yesterday, you made me cry,
the next moment you gave me wings to fly,
so uncertain, so unpredictable you are,
I find it hard to be at par,
but baby,
I can't live without you, is all i know...

Back in the memory, we were in another world,
living life with fun & glory,
I meant to you a lot,
you were happy with the things i bought,
my songs were prayers to you,
my dreams were things to do,
never thought you would change like this,
that you make me a drowning fish,
i have to take my decision,
that you are not my possession,
you have gone away from my world,
this i have to accept, like a crippling bird,
but baby,
I can't live without you, is all i know...

I am confused for past 2 weeks upon taking a decision.Although my decision making is very bad and I never able to come on a single point at once , but this time it is taking more than required.
I have two very similar choices and I have to choose best among them but i am not able to decide which one is best for me. I am able to see equally good and bad aspects in both the choices.
So, I decided to think about my past and what wrong decision I have taken till now that affected my life. But then a thought comes to me that someone has said that no decision is wrong, every decision is a right decision but you must have that attitude to bring all the odds in your favor. Then another thought pour in my mind saying that there can be wrong decisions and you have to understand your wrong decisions to take right decision.
Now which argument is true, first one or second one. I am again confusesd.
Being in this situation, when it is very hard to find right choice, I read an article yesterday saying that between options of right and easy decisions always choose right decision because somewhere in old 50ies you will realize worth of that right decision.
But but but...again I dont know which decision is right and which is easy.
Then I thought why not give heart a chance.
It might solve my problem.
To my surprise heart is also confused being in this situation for past 2 weeks.
Still wondering what to do...first one or second one. Both will have some negative impacts.
I think I must ask my parents...they may help me in such situation. No one else can understand better that them.But...

Sometimes, when I am alone, in solitude,some weird thoughts strike my mind.
I think about my relationship. I think about its relevance in my life, I think about whether it was worth taking that relationship to next level. What would have happened if I had married that girl. Would we able to live happier. Was the love that I found in her eyes 3 years back, is still there. Am I changed enough to not to feel that love or is she changed. Is the love left in our relationship enough to live whole life with or am I just pretending to have that love. Is it our love or addiction that driving us on this road of relationship. We don't talk very often these days. We talk only at the time when one of us is feeling lonely and somehow feel talking.
Why do we talk. When nothing is left in our relationship then why the hell we talk.
Why am I addicted talking to her. Why every night i feel lonesome. I was living my life happily before this relationship then why can't I live that life again. Why is it necessary to have her in my life. Why the hell I need her at time of adversities.
I know its just addiction of talking to her.
Loosing her hurts but sometimes I think it to be the best decision at such circumstances.
I had seen changes in her behavior for past few months. There was something that was missing rather there were many gestures that were missing. She was feeling loathsome in my company. Had I become over conscious, or over caring. I tried to answer this question but I was not. I was insecure. That was it. I was insecure. But for what.
The reasons were obvious and i even told her about my problems. She didn't want to understand me. Things were changed completely.
Had we taken this relationship a little further and would have married then situation could have been disastrous.
Relationship needs love but it needs alot more things to let that love alive.
We were just saying that we love each other but never ever pondered that were we.

I never ever in my life thought anything to be impossible. I am still trying to prove few things in my life that people say impossible. In the same way, i never thought it to be impossible to not to solve our personal problems. But that was not the case with her. She took it to be impossible to give me that love that she gave years back.
I was ready to be 3 years back guy. She was not. She has completely different thinking, contrasting my theory bout this life.
She taught me many things about life for which I am thankful to her.
But then also why do i miss her, even after knowing that she can't be mine.

I was listening to some of the best hindi songs that came last year and touched our souls by their inexplicable sweetness and impalpable but tangible truth about life.

I find it really hard to think how these lyricist write such a perfect poetry.
I each of these songs you will find simplicity yet deepness in thought.

Some of them are:

"Pankhon ko" from Rocket Singh
"Iktara" from Wake up sid
"Phir Dekhiye" from Rock-On
"Dil to bachcha hai ji" from Ishkiya
"Ibn-e-batuta" from Ishkiya
"Yeh Zindagi bhi" from Luck by chance
"Sajda" from My name is Khan

Common thing in all these songs is that all of them take you to a ride where you meet yourself, you start talking to yourself. Your unfulfilled ambitions, dreams, all of them come in front of you. These songs boost you to follow your dreams, give yourself a chance, give some more efforts.At the same time, they make you feel light, relaxed.

Life is a collection of small things, experiences, events and thoughts.
We know that in order to live life to its fullest we must live the moment, find happiness in small things, but somehow in this race of life we forget these things and leaving these small things we rush for bigger things resulting in mere frustration and fatigue.
These are the songs that cherish life and bring us again to where we can find true happiness, to the present moment...

Imagine the same world, same people around you, same city, same country, same companies, same colonies, same society, same roads and lanes, and suddenly everybody in this world decides to change his/her job. Everyone decides to do what he likes most, what he is interested in, what he can do best.