expressing myself...

Today I was surfing the net and tumbled on a link on facebook. I tracked the link and found that it was a link of You Tube having songs of Tina Sani, a Pakistani singer who sung this song in a show called Coke Studio. I can bet you, you won’t find a single such show hosted in Indian television where they really acknowledge the real talent in music, where they really care about the great renditions and give platforms to such divine and soulful singers.
That lady and the band were just awesome. I was awestruck with the live performance and that too of such a hard song to sing.
I just followed the mood and continued searching some more songs from that show with other singers. To my surprise, there were almost all the best singers of our time, from Rahat Fateh Ali Khan to Azmat Ali, to Ammanat Ali to Strings, giving their best performances.
I could see one thing common in all of them. They were all Pakistanis, not because it was a Pakistani show but because if we really count the great singers of our time then they are all Pakistanis. I feel a sense of awe with these people. They are way ahead of us in terms of music. They have soul, a divine touch, peace in their music. They are all best. They would take you to another world where there would be no wars, no terrorism, no borders, and no chaos, nothing at al. What an irony. Country where terrorism evolved, flourished has some divine tools to take you away from that also.
I personally believe that it’s not the common man who goes for these extremist measures to rule the world; it’s the crooked, corrupt politicians who do this.
This country is as same as ours, with lots of people in search of peace, aman, love and care.
These songs and singers are result of their search. These songs make me feel much better. Pakistan is the country that has still led classical music to survive even in this fast going selfish world. Our tradition and culture is procured by Pakistanis and we still feel hatred for them.
If we really see the music they have, we would find that we all are same, we can never separate, and at least our people can never, even if they separate the boundaries.
Who the fuck cares ……………..!

ye sard mausam,
ye tanha dil,
jaane dhoondhe kisko,
na jaane kya hai manzil.

Ye soonapan,
ye dil ki gehraai,
khaali hai ye vadiyan,
sooni si sham aayi.

I was wondering what to do, what is right. There are several people around us who do great, who despite of so many hurdles in their life, so many problems they have faced, so many impediments they cross, are able to do something great, something what bring them praise, popularity, success and accolades from everyone. They are the bravest of the brave, highly determined and very courageous, who even after loosing so much gets much more than what they aspire for.
What is special in those people who grow above their circumstances, fight all their hurdles and come out clean, safe and shining.
Are these people really special or they are just like us, or rather just like me who are a normal person but once decided can go to any extent, but unfortunately never cross that line to fight the whole world and be a winner at the end.
Then suddenly I think about some of the examples in our daily life. Whenever I have any confusion about the life, about what god would have thought about in making such persons, I tend to see around me, I try to visualise the nature and find whether it happens around us also or not. And to my surprise, i found that we have numerous examples of such cases where millions of species fight for something and at last it is the one only who crosses all the barriers and wins the race.
Like, there are millions of sperm cells who once ejaculated run a race of extreme difficulties. There are lots of impediments for them in that path. They dont loose hope. Lots of them die in between, lots of them in beginning, some of them at last and then there is just one, only one single cell which crosses all the hurdles and troubles and reaches its destination. That one single cell is enough to reproduce. That cell is undoubtedly the winner and special as it has overcome all the possibilities of death, but it survived till last. So, should we call it special or determined but normal.
There is another example. Millions of tonnes of wood buried under the earth crust for years form coals. In that millions of tonnes of coal we find some diamonds also. They are rare, made of same element with just different alignment of atoms but are special as after getting pressed to such a high pressure and temperature, these carbon atoms formed a special alignment that formed diamond.
Are they special or just the same but with little success oriented.
In both the cases I used to think that it was not destiny or they were not special but like us but with more determination to acheive what they wanted in their life. Hence, according to me, I could have achieved whatsoever I wanted in my life iff I had ever tried for it from my heart.
Then a friend of mine oncce told me that it is all predecided. I didnt notice what he said at that time. But when I came back and pondered upon his reaction, I found he was correct,.
It is all decided. They are special. they are sent on this earth to perform that job. Its their job, and since people love it, they are given special position.
Similarly we also have been given a certain task. It may not be that much tough, it may not sound that much appealing, but there is a task. We will perform it here, knowingly or unknowingly. We would contribute to this world, desirably or undesirably.
We must not worry about others, never see what they do, never try to get inspired by others, but try to do what we feel we are best in.
We dont know our purpose of life, so we must concentrate on our work.
God told us about his will by giving us some special qualities, that are unique to us only and no one can copy it. Those qualities knock on our door in the form of desires, ambitions, hobbies, interests etc. But in this cruel world we tend to forget our inner calling, which is actually god's calling. We concentrate on worldly things and miss our way.
We would do only those tasks which we love to do. so just dont worry, dont panic hearing about anyone else's success. we are all different with different tasks. Just perform them better.

Tere aane ki jab khabar mehke,
Teri khushboo se saara ghar mehke...

Justajooo jiski thi usko to na paaya humne,
iss bahane se magar dekh li duniya humne,
justajoo...

tujhko ruswa na kiya,
khud hi pashemana hue...
ishq ki rasm ko,
iss tarah nibhaya humne, justajoo...

kab mili thi, kahan bichhadi thi,
humein yaad nahi,
jindagi tujhko to,
bas khwab mein dekha humne, justajoo....

ae ada,
ae ada aur sunayein bhi to kya haal apna,
umra ka lamba safar tai kiya tanha humne,
justajoo...

doston...aaj main pehli baar ghazal gayki mein ek nayi cheez pesh kar raha hun, nazm...

chandi jaisa rang hai tera,
sone jaise baal,
ek tu hi dhanwaan hai gori, baaki sab kangal...

Tujhe bhula diya....;lovely song from "Anjana Anjani". I am listening this song right now.
Today was a really very exciting and unpredictable day. When I wake up early at 7 am, I didn't thought that I would land up in such conditions and enjoy every bit of the moments.
I wake up and as usual managed as fast as I could to reach office on time. I was pretty sure as normally I do that I would have a normal day today also. But, something else was waiting for me and I think thats what people call fate or whatever but it was decided that today i would enjoy with my frnz.
I went to office as usual. I was working that suddenly I got a call from one of my colleague cum friend that someone is in need of blood and we had to go to lucknow to donate the blood. I had never ever donated blood in my life but to my surprise, I was not hesitant or afraid of donation. I just said yes and I with one of my colleague went to make arrangements. In no matter of time , we four donors cum very good frnz were in a car, approaching to lucknow for that buddy. I wouldn't have gone to lucknow for donation if somebody else would have called me but I knew that my frnz are going with me and thats a noble cause so I should not miss this opportunity. We had fun during that journey.
We reached the hospital at 1 pm and donated our blood one by one. There was not a single sign of sigh or fear as everybody of us were very energetic and feeling great.
Three of us had our first time but then also we cherished each other and made it possible to make the task, a fun. I even got unconcious but when I came back it was just another day for me.
We went to a famous lucknow pan shop, enjoyed the flavor of meetha pan. Suddenly someone made a plan of having chicken in our lunch and we went for the famous lucknow shop for that too.
We still had time and decided to go in a lounge. Ultimately we landed in lounge and got drunk upto brink enjoying 3 bacardi pegs, one gin + vodka cocktail, two blackdog regular pegs. Still we needed more but devoid of time we departed from there.
Now I am back home and thinking what was the day it was, listening to the same song,,..tujhe bhula diya.....!!!!

I just now saw "Peepli live". A deep satire on our system which we very proudly call DEMOCRACY. It depicts our current situation just as a neutral journalist whose main aim is to show clearly and unambiguously what is happening in this country.
I was wondering watching that movie that this is the only way we live in the country called India. I was thinking in between that what can I do as an inividual, as a responsible citizen to change the fate of these unpriviledged people. Can I change the system, can I do something to stop these suicides, what government should do to help these people. Just imagine the mindset of a person who can give his life just to get that 1 lakh rupees coming from government after his death. But, is he really that much concerned about his life, about his family. Do we give him that much priviledge to think logically and come to a conclusion, does he know the value of his life, does hi care about his family, or, does he really understand the difference between life and death.
I dont think so. And that is the main thing that has been showed in the film. See nattha. His expressions, body language, everything tells us that he doesn't even know the difference of life and death. Not even his brother, who convinced him to suicide, know this difference. It is just a matter of 2 minutes for them and then Rs 1 lakh with that land.
Why they dont know that difference which we all living in this urban era know very well. We value our lives, our constitution, our justice system value life of every single individual, at least on papers. Then why cant they. Are they from a different planet, not from India or they are not human beings.
Well this is the conclusion. They are not human beings. Human beings are species who can think logically, talk, can fight for their rights, have independence to say what they wish to. I dont think that people from that part of India have these traits. How can we then take them as human beings. Our so called democratic system has left them like animals. If you want to know the psychology of animals then please dont waste your time in analyzing them in forests or any reserves. Come to a Peepli kind of village in India. You would get people having very similar traits of animals who dont even know why they are alive or rather are they alive.
My interpretations from this movie is very long and it would need a whole day or rather a whole life to gather it all together and write.
My conscience is always slapping me, asking me what am I doing, can I do something.
But just after 1 or 2 days, I also forget the whole thing, live my life in my comfort zone and when again such type of movies come, I watch them, feel raped and write something or discuss with my friends about the current situation in India and forget till next comes.
This is a whole vicious cycle that I follow everyday and this is what most of us do. We all are same, we all are responsible for this pathetic condition of those farmers who are dying daily. We are equally responsible along with the government, selfish political parties, much hyped media and our system.
I intend to think that may be that director is also equally responsible with us. She made this movie not for those Peepli people or to really raise an issue and come to a result. She was too interested in her creative interests, money and obviously publicity. She definitely raised a question in our psyche but what after that. Is her work ends here. I personally think that after making this movie she had a grand power to really fight for those farmers. Everybody would have listened to her, would have idolized her, followed her. Government would have taken the issue in consideration but what she did. Now after 1 month of release of this movie, she is out of the celluloid. But again, she cant be blamed by those who themselves are not willing to fight. I am no one.

Is everyone on this earth mean, selfish. Everyone, including your relatives, your family members, your mother father, the one you love, your friends whom you think are always with you.You know their importance in your life, you love them and thus take our time from might be your most important tasks. You share those moments, feeling elated and thinking that they are the most precious for you and you too are precious for them. Sometimes you even forget your goal, your ambitions, your destination to achieve in life and devout that time with your loved ones. You care for their schedules without thinking once yours. When they are unhappy, sad and need help and emotional support, you leave everything behind and talk to them, console them, giggle them even when you are feeling sad.

They are the ones who come out first against you when you are defeated in battle of your life, when you have failed to accomplish your dreams, your goals. They are the ones who blame you to not to utilize that moments which you had shared with them.
They tell you that it is totally your fault. You were not serious enough to realize your dreams. You were the one who wasted your time chatting with them.
They start telling you what is right and wrong for you.
At that time, they are unable to see why you left your endeavor to make them feel happy.
They forget those tiny small little moments when they needed you and you, without thinking about your preparation, were with them. They cannot relate it with your success or failure.
What they care about is the end result, which is your failure.
And the only reason you failed was that you were not at all serious with your career, your dreams.

So,what should I do? What should I call them? What should I care about?
Does it matter if I dont participate in their sorrow, in their happy moments. Would I be called selfish, or mean or what.
Should I start ignoring their feelings, their problems and focus on what I aspire to be. Would then they call me "serious".
But question is not this. Can I do this or am I really "serious" about my career at all, as per they say. If this is what seriousness is all about then I can surely say that I am not serious about myself and now I have to stop and think about myself a little.

Everyone around you is like this only.
Its all about the choice. Either your loved ones or your career. If you want to excel in your career then dont give a damn about your loved one's feelings and problems. Just be selfish. Care about your career your dreams because after sometimes when you win the race, accomplish your goals, they will be happy to associate themselves with you forgetting that you were not with them at the time they were in problems or needed any care. Because they are themselves like this. Bloody selfish.
But when you fail, then no matter how much love you poured upon them, you are bloody looser. They will tell you thousands of reasons for your failure. They will curse you.

Its high time when I have to choose among my options.
I am confused. My career, my loved ones, both are equally important for me.
If I choose my career, they will say that I dont care of them. If I choose them then again they will say that I dont care my future and hence them.
In both cases I am the fucking looser.

So in such circumstances what should I do.
Be selfish like them....!