expressing myself...

Just want to rewind a little to my past, not much but just after starting of second semester.

I was very determined to work hard this semester to get good marks. My previous semester was nightmare. I didn’t like the place, didn't understand what these people were doing in name of MBA.

 They were choosing any means to get marks and being grown up I had found that the important part in life is knowledge. Either you have it or you don’t have it. Numbers, marks never defined your level of knowledge. They never told the truth about how much you know and what you are capable of. That was my past experience.

I came to do MBA because I wanted to gain knowledge, to understand how this world works, how businesses grow. However, I found many things different. People were still behaving like undergraduates. Doing whatever they can, to get numbers. We used to do this during our high school or might be in first or second year of college but after 3 years of rich experience  and understanding very well that knowledge is never shown, it’s always visible, I never ever expected an MBA crowd to behave this way. Well, doesn’t matter what I think, crowd is always right.

It was a rat race for numbers and I fell behind, very behind. I didn’t attend the classes that I didn’t find interesting, I left some class quizzes because they were meaningless. I tried hard to work on finance but it always remained my worst part. I loved marketing but teacher ruined or rather devastated the whole learning experience. Stats was an easy path to conquer. So finally, I didn’t took interest in my first semester and result was equally shouting out loud my ignorance.

Second semester came and I decided that I have to manage to get good grades otherwise I would loose my only chance to get good job because whatever you say, I say or any one else say, for companies marks are one of the basic criteria to choose you.

I tried and worked hard. Sacrificed most of my enjoyment and I found that its worth. Earlier I didn’t even read my textbooks. This time I found time to read them. I tried to learn no matter what teachers teach. I got knowledge that I was talking previous semester. This time I acted to get it. It was satisfying.

Quizzes came. Now was the time to use all means for getting good marks because again, no matter how much you know, if you don’t have marks, you don’t have it….I studied hard, did every other thing to get good scores. Its relative marking, if I am not smart enough then others will crush me, tear me apart and win the race. So there you go, rat race is on. Finally, I succeeded in some exams, got good grades and in some I got average but all in all was better as compared to previous year. I was a bit satisfied with my performance because I never left a single stone unturned to get grades. Never mind.

In all these times, there was a single thing that kept me worried. My internship. Many companies came and went. Some I liked but they didn’t even shortlist me. Some I didn’t like and they shortlisted me. All in all there was never a match between what I wanted and what they offered. I left most of the opportunities to get selected. Semester end was close, more than half of the batch got placed and I was still unplaced. That was the time when panic bell ranged and I decided to apply in almost every other company that comes to campus. I did.

One big advertising company, I don’t know why, got a little sympathetic to me and without even taking interview, selected me. Worst part, kolkata and zero stipend. In addition to this, the company was good but the work that they were going to give me was very boring and monotonous. I wasn’t going to learn anything from that internship. Well, I never thought this way about my career. I was worried and didn’t know what to do.

Well, god is great, he gave me another chance to go for the good companies. Second round of internship placement started and I was eligible for that. Now, less competition and good companies. However, as always, god loves playing games. One company came. That was the first company in the whole season which was giving a profile that I always wanted to go in and to my amazement, they had shortlisted me for the interview round. I was ecstatic. I wanted to convert it anyhow. I knew that I will do anything for this job. Great !

This semester I had studied also. So there was a great chance that I can answer their technical questions. I had only one day to prepare. I went to library. Spent most of my time there. Studied hard, prepared hard. Found every information about the company, the profile and about me of course.

I was ready to crack the bloody interview. Next day came. There were only three students for interview. Mine was third. I was worried with second person as I was pretty sure that first candidate is not in the picture because he doesn’t know anything about the profile. He had a party last night and was still in hangover. He didn’t even gone through the company backgrounds.

Well, first interview held. He was asked only technical questions from his btech years. Nothing about company, products, or profile even. Nobody knew what they wanted. Second gone and mine also went ok. They asked me about the profile. I told them and some more questions bout my workex. Fine.

Result came. That first person got selected. Nobody knew why, how. Devastated again.

Second company came, didn’t shortlist me. Third came, the timing was not good and got rejected. Now there was no other company left. People had left the hostels for their respective companies. I had only option in that advertising company. Wasn’t very excited. Heard about others getting flight tickets, accommodation, stipends, and enjoyment. They were  excited to join and work hard. For me, there wasn’t any craze left. I kept on thinking why I chose to go for MBA when I was happy with my previous job.

Came back to home in wait of my joining to come. Very few people were left with zero stipend and I was one of them. I never ever had imagined myself in such lots. I was an average guy who loved to do everything, work hard and enjoy. But in MBA, I lost my individuality. I joined the rat race for marks. I strived hard to get good internship but failed. I was bottom of the juice glass where few sips are still left but no one wants to take it.

Then suddenly from nowhere came another opportunity. Another company, a good one. Although not entirely matching my interest but very good profile. Didn’t know what to do. Applied late in it. Wasn’t sure after all setbacks. Was very confused and praying to god to help me. It had stipend, accommodation, good profile and less contenders. But I knew my luck can never favor me. It didn’t favor me in past times. All the times, I prayed to god. Wasn’t confident enough. Then also I tried to look into the background of the company, the profile they were offering.

Fine, was ready for the interview. Bell ranged, picked the phone. Slowly I got comfortable in the talk. They asked me about the profile, told, asked me about the company, told, asked my workex, told. All in all, a good interview. They were convinced and even I was satisfied. But wasn’t sure about the result. Result had to come in the evening itself. Fingers crossed. Was very worried but behaved like nothing is gonna happen. Anyone asked about the interview got the answer that they wont take me as I cant fit the bill.

Result came. SELECTED. Whoooops…..

A sudden relief to my worries. I understood one thing that time. When you strive to achieve something and you get it in last then you are not happy or ecstatic, you are SATISFIED.  I was satisfied. And believe me satisfaction is much much better than being happy. Happiness is for sometime, satisfaction is forever. I was satisfied. Finally I got flight tickets too to join early.

There I am, looking in past, about my whole journey to this incident. Have to join the company after 3 days. Feeling good, satisfied. Enjoying my vacation with my family. My family is also happy now.

Situations, conditions, they change very fast. You cant even able to measure them and they change. 2 days before, my condition was like a lame who was going to be crucified. Now I am a fish which is happy in its small world and know where to go!

How it happens, why it happens. Why all things in our life is so dramatic. Why couldn’t I get good internship in first place itself. Why it took me so time. What I achieved or learnt. Had this last company didn’t come, I would have to join my previous one only. Why god plays with us.

 Well, I don’t know answers of these questions but what I know is that these things make our life interesting, joyful and lively. It pains a lot to loose opportunity but then when something better comes, it fills us with joy, much more than previous one.

Is it a sudden process or happens with everyone. I don’t know. However, I am happy now waiting for my results to come. I achieved one goal. The second one is still very important for me. I spent my days, months for it. Praying to god to help me here as well.

Whatever I say to others or others say, this incident has firmed my belief in god and increased my respect for the way he works for us.

This incident gave me one more lesson that I must prioritize my work, make goals and act to achieve them. One success drives for another. I am driven and would like to be driven always.

Thanks God…AMEN !